I just installed a piece of software (successfully! It’s like I do this for a living or something) that enables the Futon Report to be seen much better on mobile phones. I, for one, would never care to see it like that since, like church and state, there needs to be a “wall of separation” between phone and Internet. For the heathens who believe otherwise, however, the Futon Report ought to display better.

Inform me if the site shows up improperly on your mobilyphone, and your response will be addressed in 2-4 business days, or 4.5 nautical days.

coldopen.jpgFor those brave souls who wander into the twice-weekly Treehouse Fort radio show dutifully hosted by yours truly and Yours Tuffy, you might wonder what happened to Friday’s amazing awesome show. Well, due to Syntax Error 2029, the show never archived and is gone forever, except in the hearts and minds of those who listened live. So here we are.

The only tangible item from that episode is the Weekend Update-style cold open I performed before the show, and it’s probably best just to share its entirety with you now. Actually it’s probably best to just delete the file and reformat the hard drive to ensure it never shows up again, but I flipped a coin and we’re going with “sharing.” Read more

bugreport.jpgDear Tech Support,

The last six times I’ve logged onto your website to check baseball box scores, it erroneously indicates that the Detroit Tigers have lost a baseball game. This is an impossibility, given that they have the second highest payroll in baseball, including players like Miguel Cabrera, Justin Verlander, Magglio Ordoñez, Dontrelle Willis, and Gary Sheffield. They played the Kansas City Royals and the Chicago White Sox, two of the lesser teams in baseball, at home. Therefore, there is no possible way, even perchance, that the Detroit Tigers are 0-6. Read more

yaaaaaaaa.jpgIf my old server had the chance, it would have tried to tried anthropomorphizing into a Sussmanlike clone and usurp my girlfriend. It would have led to her standing atop a building trying to figure out which Sussman to shoot dead. I’m glad we were able to avoid such an outcome.

So this was the perfect time to uproot the old design and upgrade WordPress to 2.0 (finally). If you have any suggestions, feedback, or if something just dudn’t look right in the browser, just let me know. Read more

Despite its low center of gravity, you can still tip the Futon Report.