So, to recap:

• Tom Amstutz: gone
• Gregg Brandon: gone
• EMU’s Jeff Genyk was fired. (But not before acting like a dick in their win over CMU.)
• Miami University’s Shane Montgomery resigned.

It might just be easier to list the coaches that won’t be fired. They are the ones you’ll see in bowl games.

gb.jpgThe essence of comedy is … … … [waits 5 minutes] … … timing. So it’s quite hilarious that after the Tom Amstutz Farewell Tour ended with a local holiday in the Glass City and a 38-10 loss, Mayor John Quinn didn’t get a chance to declare Gregg Brandonukkah on the narrow streets of Bowling Green, Ohio, USA, Earth, and the BGSU coach will no longer be the coach after a really hurty 6-6 season.

If you thought the Amstutz stepping-down was weird timing, this one takes the cake. What also obtains some kind of caloric dessert is the fact that it’s not a firing, and it’s not a resignation. I really hate it when coaching changes aren’t cut and dry. Nobody decides mutually on these things, which you’d know if you talked to any of my ex-girlfriends. So it may be difficult to pin a one-word description on the situation — and you HAVE to believe a column will be forthcoming on this — but for now let’s just return to what works when Bowling Green coaches are relieved of their duties:

brandongone.jpgPostmortem: It just dawned on me, after re-opening that Photoshop, that yesterday was Corey Partridge’s final game. It seems like he’s been there forever, but you’ll have that when you’re a four-year starter at wide receiver. We’ll miss you, Mr. Partridge, as you’ll always have a special place in my heart as the first Facebook blog stalking I ever undertook. Keep reaching for those dead raccoons in the real world, blessed Sir.

amstutzsideline.jpgWhat are the odds that UT intentionally lost that game just so they didn’t have to carry the coach off the field?

bgvstoledo.jpgAs Coach Brandon has noted, I’m not a true BGSU football fan due to the lack of MACSploitation updates this fall. Also I didn’t attend a 6 p.m. Friday football game, which actually makes me a secret Muslim and probably gay detriment to society. Nevertheless, I’m asking for some redemption from the True Falcons by dragging my climate controlled ass into the Glass Bowl and watching the UT-BG game, an event I haven’t attended in, I think, four years.

(Christ, four years? I really am a fraud.)

The game will be at 3:30 on ESPN Classic, the channel who proclaimed Mickey Mantle was a shittier athlete than Secretariat. Although the Rockets are 3-8 and have a tendency to elicit crying from baby Moses, one has to believe they have a better shot at winning the game, since it’s Tom Amstutz Day and all. Plus BGSU hasn’t won in the Glass Bowl since 1994, and the 5-6 Falcons’ only metaphysical reason for winning is so they don’t have a losing record. And also, y’know, rivalry game and everything.

And like every year, I’m just hoping for either a good game or a BGSU blowout. Prediction: it’ll be butt-to-bench-stickingly cold.

flamewar.gifMaybe here’s how I’ll run my blog from now on:

• 10 I write a post about something
• 20 You write a comment leading me somewhere awesome
• 30 I write another post about that comment
• 40 GOTO 20

This iteration of the post takes us to fan response of Gregg Brandon’s comments. Click through to also see Coach Brandon’s startling comments in return. Read more

As discovered by commenter Ben in the last post, Gregg Brandon put the BG-Buffalo game in perspective by noting how “pitiful” the crowd was.

Well, I’ll just say this. Our kids played heir guts out. And I don’t want to take anything away from the game but that crowd was pitiful. And I’m so disappointed in, you know the fans that showed up, that’s awesome. ‘Cause they’re the true fans. But our kids deserved so much better than that. To be in a championship with so much on the line, and that kind of crowd, disgusts me.

greggbrandon.jpgNow, I wasn’t at the game — hell, I wasn’t even aware it was being played Friday night — but then again you guys played a game at 6 o’clock on a Friday night. Of course 13,000 people are going to show up and not be entirely loud when it’s 26 degrees out. The fans may not have been in it. In fact maybe they were deathly silent in double overtime for all I know. On that same note, I don’t remember a time in college football history in which a crowd led a team to victory. The fans spirit soars with the success of its team, and this team is 5-6 and lost to Eastern Michigan at home, and is now the reason Buffalo will probably be playing in their first bowl game.

But I really, truly, am sorry for my part in this 40-34 double-overtime loss.

buffalobg.jpgAs has been said before, the false sense of hope is worst in mid-November, when the Falcons have a very reasonable hope of making a championship or bowl game. The easiest way to avoid it is to forget the game was Friday night and not Saturday night. That way all the angst can be doled out in one run-on sentence once one sees the 40-34 loss box score:

HOW ON EARTH DOES A TEAM BLOW A 20 POINT FOURTH QUARTER LEAD AT HOME AND A 14 POINT LEAD WITH THREE MINUTES TO PLAY AND THEN LOSE THE GAME IN DOUBLE OVERTIME AND I HATE LIFE?

Phew. Now we can just worry about Friday’s UT-BG game and be done with it, then move onto basketball season like honorable little soldiers.

(Photo credit: Jetta Fraser/Toledo Blade)

So, I can’t stop staring at this. Not sure why.

themnfisright.jpg

Maybe it’s because the Browns topped the Bills 29-27 despite all best efforts to gift-wrap the win to Buffalo. Maybe it’s because the game was unexpectedly interesting, it made the the live blog fun. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t left the apartment in two days, and therefore I have lost all sense of decency, and maybe some other vital senses as well.

This week on “Blogger Is A Newspaper Writer,” a stalwart Toledoan thinks the city should be annexed back into Michigan if the Wolverines beat Ohio State. Will he make jokes? Will nobody but himself laugh? Will he find out the father of his child? Tune in next time!

niucmu.jpg

Why did I turn that off? Because it was freaking 30-6, that’s why. Central Michigan had a comfy 24-point lead on the road against a substandard NIU team, so I guess I’ll just see what else is on the … zzzz

[Sussman falls asleep on couch, dreams of riding in a spaceship made of pancakes]

… mmmf …. mmwwa? Let’s see how bad that game turned out [takes sip of morning Pepsi, checks score]

It went to overtime!? Oh, NIU still lost 33-30. But still.

Apparently NIU had to recover two onside kicks to make the comeback happen, and your Special Teams Player of the Week might as well be Mike Sobol, because he recovered both of them.

So CMU stays perfect in the conference, setting up a rather bucknutty showdown at Pleasant Mountain next Wednesday when Ball State shows up.

(Photo Credit: Beck Diefenbach, DeKalb Daily Chronicle. Not the spit-take one. Nickelodeon seems to have filmed that.)

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