TFP: Booby Tuesday

≡ Category: Football, MAC |1 Comment

While I don’t really have a great excuse for the lack of MACSploitation updates, I will say the conference is not out of my minds (although, seriously, does EVERY team in the East have two conference losses already?). The proof is in this week’s TFP version of the Futon Report, denouncing Tuesday night football.

Four games. That’s all the conference gets this week. Eight of the 13 teams will squat on their barcalounger this Saturday. Five teams aren’t playing this week, because two are on bye weeks, but three either played in last Tuesday’s game or next Tuesday’s game.

The BG-Northern Illinois game is kinda-sorta on TV. Lord, I’m afraid of that one.

ST PETERSBURG, FL - OCTOBER 19:  Pitcher David...Image by Getty Images via DaylifeIt’s okay, I know what I’m talking about. I saw the game.

Game 2: Rays 4, Phillies 2 — The game is still tied 1-1 if the only runs that counted were the ones that came off base hits, and it’d be the 13th inning by now, and I’d be losing my goddamned mind in the live blog. So it’s a good thing Tampa scored three runs on ground balls and Philly tacked on a 9th inning run with an error. The Phillies have now left 22 men on base for the series, and Jimmy Rollins has zero hits against the Tampans.


They’re in great shape. Read more

Be honest. You thought the same thing when new Mayor Kwame text messages surfaced. You were thinking of Huel Perkins’ narration of the first batch. Haha, damn that! Never busted!

huelperkins.jpgThat brings us to tonight’s “Hell yeah!” moment. On FOX 2, Perkins followed through like a professional and READ THE NEW ONES on the news broadcast following Game 2. It was sublime. It was brilliant journalism. It was … a little arousing, actually.

I don’t have the video (yet), but you know damn well it’ll surface eventually. These things take about 24 hours — at least 48 hours for the love remix version, according to Internet by-laws.

One thing’s for sure. If Huel Perkins is ever looking for a second job, he could sell a line of text-to-speech software programs that turn blog posts into romantic sonnets.

Jamie Moyer bobblehead dollImage via WikipediaI can talk about this, because I watch-blogged it for a living.

Game 1: Phillies 3, Rays 2 — This will still hopefully be an exciting series when it’s said and done. So hopefully they got the exciting games out of the way. The fact that Hamels and Kazmir were pitching probably made sense that only five runs were scored.

But Tampa should never have been in this game. They got eight baserunners. Two scored, and three were called out on the bases. Philly, meanwhile, kept loading the diamond with baserunners every which way, and scored three runs. They stranded 11. It felt like a blowout if you blocked out the top quartile of the screen and didn’t know what the score was. Maybe that’s why there wasn’t the same kind of energy we saw in the ALCS, and why we’ll probably have to wait until Games 3 and 4 for some quality scoring. (Or whenever Jamie Moyer pitches.)

And I’m sticking with it as the World Series starts tonight. Tigers in 6.

(Stay programatically tuned for Deadspin live blogs all Series long.)

100yearsofhope.jpgHey, it’s been a week and a half. The team that destroyed the Cubs’ centennial of righting a century’s wrongs is almost out of the playoffs themselves. But nope. Let’s keep dwelling on the Cubs.

Today on ESPN Radio, I kid you not, it went something … like-a this:

“John Wooden turned 98 today. He was born two years after the Chicago Cubs last won the World Series.”

God. I’m glad they’re still using frames of references that continue to twist the knife into Chicago. Although I guess it was more humane than “He was born two years before the sinking of the Titanic,” because some of us are still trying to get over that tragedy.

87665dude-wtf-posters1z.jpgJust to see if I have this straight:

 Points vs. Eastern Michigan at home in four quarters: 21.
 Points vs. Akron in the final quarter: 23.

Oh, and EMU lost to Army, who lost to Temple by 28, who lost to Central Michigan by 10, who lost Dan LeFevour to injury at halftime.

And somewhere NIU beats Miami, WMU trips up Buffalo in overtime, nobody noticed Ohio-Kent State, and I haven’t even mentioned ranked Ball State’s win over Western Kentucky.

Hell, that’s a pretty solid MACSploitation recap if you needed one. Consider my work finished for the weekend. Now to go and rattle off 32 straight live blogs.

msussman.gifWhy, hi, everyone. The live blogginess and speed readability, coupled with a couple of hours of actual, honest, Real Job endeavors, it’s finally time to check back in with this here site. What’s in the news? Well, it’s … other sites.

If’n you didn’t notice, the Toledo Free Press up and chucked their old site and overhauled it. A couple thoughts:

• Wordpress? Ha. You can tell it’s a new-age newspaper when they use the same software that powers my blog.
• Look at what you can do on the front page! You can, like, scroll over “sports,” and there’s my name. Pow. Right there with the other experts. I have to say, I’ve never been a rollover item before.
• So, on my new author index, I, um, didn’t write most of that.
• God, I need a new headshot.

Most delightfully, though, is the addition of comments to articles, as evidenced by this weekend’s apology to Eastern Michigan and Ypsilanti, which sure enough irritated some EMU fans. (Ever see EMU smack talk before? It’s FREAKY.) This probes what I’ve thought all along about my TFP columns: there have been countless spiteful and vindictive thoughts from dissatisfied readers that went completely unheard, and I for one now feel deprived of them. Fortunately the right has been wronged, somewhat, and we can all move on in our lives having been enriched with nuggets such as:

I heard that EMU may have burned a jersey in the locker room after the game and at first I thought that was insulting to Bowling Green but after hearing about how negative and unprofessional the press has been towards Eastern Michigan University I wish they had burned the jersey right on the 50 yard line.

Also, look! Stock quotes!

Here’s a team that lost by double digits to FIU. No points against Ball State. And at one point, looked like they might not’ve been able to beat any other teams on their schedule, thus solidifying a one-win season and the ripping up of Tom Amstutz’s business cards.

But then:


Toledo 13, Michigan 10.

Is it okay, fellow BGSU fans, to enjoy this one? Why, yes. Yes it is.

Next week: Watch Toledo lose 61-13 to Central Michigan.

Eastern Michigan 24
Bowling Green 21


The worst part? I can’t make any goddamn EMU jokes for at least, like, a year.

keep looking »
Despite its low center of gravity, you can still tip the Futon Report.