The Futon Report

This week on “Blogger Is A Newspaper Writer,” a stalwart Toledoan thinks the city should be annexed back into Michigan if the Wolverines beat Ohio State. Will he make jokes? Will nobody but himself laugh? Will he find out the father of his child? Tune in next time!

You write about Tom Amstutz and:

• A local TV sports anchor comments
• You avoid the all-too-easy “Tom Amstutz leaves a void on the sideline that no one man can technically fill” joke

Also, there was a live blog of sorts Saturday night, wherein Texas Tech dropped 56 points on a Top 10 team. It’s hard to believe that, with Alabama and TTU as the remaining unbeaten power conference teams, neither was ranked higher than 12th to start the season.

Remember when I posted stuff on the Futon Report, back in the day? Those were good times. Things are dying down now, so more postings here, hopefully.

While I don’t really have a great excuse for the lack of MACSploitation updates, I will say the conference is not out of my minds (although, seriously, does EVERY team in the East have two conference losses already?). The proof is in this week’s TFP version of the Futon Report, denouncing Tuesday night football.

Four games. That’s all the conference gets this week. Eight of the 13 teams will squat on their barcalounger this Saturday. Five teams aren’t playing this week, because two are on bye weeks, but three either played in last Tuesday’s game or next Tuesday’s game.

The BG-Northern Illinois game is kinda-sorta on TV. Lord, I’m afraid of that one.

Why, hi, everyone. The live blogginess and speed readability, coupled with a couple of hours of actual, honest, Real Job endeavors, it’s finally time to check back in with this here site. What’s in the news? Well, it’s … other sites.

If’n you didn’t notice, the Toledo Free Press up and chucked their old site and overhauled it. A couple thoughts:

• Wordpress? Ha. You can tell it’s a new-age newspaper when they use the same software that powers my blog.
• Look at what you can do on the front page! You can, like, scroll over “sports,” and there’s my name. Pow. Right there with the other experts. I have to say, I’ve never been a rollover item before.
• So, on my new author index, I, um, didn’t write most of that.
• God, I need a new headshot.

Most delightfully, though, is the addition of comments to articles, as evidenced by this weekend’s apology to Eastern Michigan and Ypsilanti, which sure enough irritated some EMU fans. (Ever see EMU smack talk before? It’s FREAKY.) This probes what I’ve thought all along about my TFP columns: there have been countless spiteful and vindictive thoughts from dissatisfied readers that went completely unheard, and I for one now feel deprived of them. Fortunately the right has been wronged, somewhat, and we can all move on in our lives having been enriched with nuggets such as:

I heard that EMU may have burned a jersey in the locker room after the game and at first I thought that was insulting to Bowling Green but after hearing about how negative and unprofessional the press has been towards Eastern Michigan University I wish they had burned the jersey right on the 50 yard line.

Also, look! Stock quotes!

This, here, is quite scary. The Toledo Free Press, a newspaper with words and pages and ink, recently pushed out some radio ads to the local market promoting each of their sections. Unlike their print edition, the commercials themselves were poorly edited, for they did not catch the slip-up where they mentioned my name in their commercial about their sports section. And because of this, they left it in.

You are subliminally obliged to buy Matt Sussman today. You can’t beat these prices!