The Futon Report

As Coach Brandon has noted, I’m not a true BGSU football fan due to the lack of MACSploitation updates this fall. Also I didn’t attend a 6 p.m. Friday football game, which actually makes me a secret Muslim and probably gay detriment to society. Nevertheless, I’m asking for some redemption from the True Falcons by dragging my climate controlled ass into the Glass Bowl and watching the UT-BG game, an event I haven’t attended in, I think, four years.

(Christ, four years? I really am a fraud.)

The game will be at 3:30 on ESPN Classic, the channel who proclaimed Mickey Mantle was a shittier athlete than Secretariat. Although the Rockets are 3-8 and have a tendency to elicit crying from baby Moses, one has to believe they have a better shot at winning the game, since it’s Tom Amstutz Day and all. Plus BGSU hasn’t won in the Glass Bowl since 1994, and the 5-6 Falcons’ only metaphysical reason for winning is so they don’t have a losing record. And also, y’know, rivalry game and everything.

And like every year, I’m just hoping for either a good game or a BGSU blowout. Prediction: it’ll be butt-to-bench-stickingly cold.

You write about Tom Amstutz and:

• A local TV sports anchor comments
• You avoid the all-too-easy “Tom Amstutz leaves a void on the sideline that no one man can technically fill” joke

Also, there was a live blog of sorts Saturday night, wherein Texas Tech dropped 56 points on a Top 10 team. It’s hard to believe that, with Alabama and TTU as the remaining unbeaten power conference teams, neither was ranked higher than 12th to start the season.

Remember when I posted stuff on the Futon Report, back in the day? Those were good times. Things are dying down now, so more postings here, hopefully.

Really? I mean … he had another year left on his contract, and maybe at the end of the year a move is made but … really? Stepping down now? Now?

Toledo’s iconic portly coach Tom Amstutz is calling it quits as University of Toledo football head coach. It’s being said he will take a job within the University, which either means he’s burned out and doesn’t want to scan CareerBuilder for a new job, or the University was going to kick his ass to the curb but actually likes the guy and knows he means well.

Either way, why now? Why less than a month after a marquee win for the program? Why the evening of November 2, when they have a nationally-televised game Wednesday night? Something doesn’t smell right about this, but a press conference on Monday will explain everything. Or most everything. I don’t think we’ll get an explanation for the summer sausage.

Here’s a team that lost by double digits to FIU. No points against Ball State. And at one point, looked like they might not’ve been able to beat any other teams on their schedule, thus solidifying a one-win season and the ripping up of Tom Amstutz’s business cards.

But then:

Toledo 13, Michigan 10.

Is it okay, fellow BGSU fans, to enjoy this one? Why, yes. Yes it is.

Next week: Watch Toledo lose 61-13 to Central Michigan.

Well, on purpose. Not the typical way UT players underperform.

This is pretty huge stuff. Sammy Villegas, who played for the Rockets from 2002-2006, has been charged with helping “fix” UT games in a point-shaving scheme. Specifically they mention missed free throws from a February 4, 2006 game against Central Michigan.

I’m gonna have more on this over at SbB Thursday, but damn. The craziest news breaks when I’m on airplanes.

Sheesh. First Lou Holtz’s pep talk, now Graham Watson going through the most hated team in each college football bowl conference. Bristol just has it out bad for UT, don’t they?

Oh, it’s not because they suck or anything. It’s because they’ve been so historically good, from Chuck Ealey to the undefeated season in 1995. Look at the other teams tagged most hated:

ACC: Miami
Big11Ten: Ohio State
Big12Twelve: Texas
Pac10Ten: USC
Security Exchanges Commission: Alabama, Ken Lay (tie)

I’m all for nicknames. They’re cute, fun, and way more memorable than the tons of garden-variety names. Plus it prevents parents from having to name their children something outlandish like ZoQwell.

But this?

I’m going to be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting that at all. Bruce Gradkowski to the Rams? Well, good luck to “Medium-Large” B.” ◼ Blade

Hopefully Bill Parcells factored that in. Because they just took UT’s running back, Jalen Parmele, in the sixth round.

Drag. Oh well, this guy seems more qualified anyway.

It looks like Toledo is going with Notre Dame assistant Gene Cross as their new head coach, replacing Stan Joplin. What this means is that rather than take a fired head coach, they’re admitting to UT basketball being a rebuilding project. Other than that, since I’ve never heard of Gene Cross, my opinions are non-existent. Hence the extremely painful pun-o-shop.

Also, the last Notre Dame assistant coach to take a head coaching job in Northwest Ohio? Urban Meyer. Just sayin’. ◼ Toledo Blade/Xs and Mo’s

…well, maybe not how UT had it planned. But the carousel of candidates has been spinning non-stop. The coaches UT wants, they can’t have. The coaches UT can get, they don’t want.

Maureen Fulton’s been doing a ton of coverage on this story, and as it stands, it looks to be either former Providence coach Tim Welsh, former Saint Louis coach Brad Soderberg, or Notre Dame assistant Gene Cross. Read more