The Futon Report

Because they never, ever close. (Puns! Love ‘em.)

When Todd Jones closed out games, Tigers fans would get ulcers, cramps, and chest pains. When Fernando Rodney closes out games, the other team experiences said chest pains. On Sunday, after Kyle Farnsworth, savior to the bullpen, gave up two home runs to extend the game, “closer” Fernando Rodney eventually came on in the 10th inning to save a 5-4 game.

Fernando Rodney injured two consecutive Rays batters. Jason Bartlett jammed his finger on an attempted bunt, then pinch hitter Shawn Riggans got hit in the chest with a baseball. In the chest. The chest. Hit in the chest. How does a pitcher hit someone square in the chest? Read more

Pardon me, O Baseball Gods, as I channel the spirit of our beloved Gregg Olson. That’s right, Gregg M.F. Olson.

That’s the first person I thought of, for some cosmic reason, when I heard midway through Sunday’s game that the Tigers closer was no longer Todd Jones. In a very quiet move, Fernando Rodney would assume the position “for the time being.” When the only sure things were death, taxes, and Todd Jones closing games, the torch has finally been passed, but not before the flames destroyed the fans’ wicker-strong confidence in him.

And then I thought, God dammit, this has been Gregg Olson all over again. Read more