The Futon Report

Or maybe it just happens after time. [polite applause from coffee house patrons]

It felt like a good time to play Count The Onesies, because there’s little else to do. I was going to throw a Bill Plaschke masterpiece your way, but the damn thing’s three pages and we need some fresh blood.

Jeff Miller, step right up. You were still in Beijing Sunday, which in America Standard Time was next November. You were all ready for some volleyball finals, and being the Orange County Register’s sports columnist, it was time to laud your region for producing great volleyballists who dominated the globe — all while not really being a mainstream sport here in the States. Read more

Mr. “Maff,” whoever you are, you are clearly an old school sportswriter. You cut your teeth between the gutters. You wrote to fit. And you established yourself. Hats off! But you’re writing, what appears to be, a blog entry. You’re not bound by a handful of picas. You can kick back and streeetch that bad boy out.

If you play the metro columnist reading game that’s sweeping the nation, “Count The Onesies,” you’ll see that this “Maff” fellow weighs in with eight consecutive one-sentence paragraphs to start his blog post. That’s the kind of carriage returnmanship that gets you on the Woody Paige and Ron Musselman plateau. Read more