The Futon Report

I heard Kevin Harlan say it the first time … in NBA Jam 2000. It’s one of the canned lines every damn time someone dunks. I was pretty sick of it, but I guess it has a nicer ring when a real human being dunks.

Honestly, I’m not at all sure how I missed this one as it happened. I vividly recall the foul. The not-letting-go after the whistle. The centrifugal force into the bleachers. The fans yelling back. And for some reason … LeBron James yelling at a fan.

But what eluded me was who the fan was — his mom, Gloria James. There she is, on the left. Remember her? Well, she apparently gets great seats at Cavaliers home games, and Paul Pierce (the Celtics man on the left) almost got Glorified on this night, featuring a Cavaliers 88-77 win.

Thankfully the graceful son shouted some sense into Momma. Read more

You might’ve heard the story last week about Papa John’s apologizing to LeBron James and the Cavaliers fans for sponsoring “CRYBABY 23″ t-shirts during their series against the Wizards. As part of their self-flagellation, they agreed to give Northeast Ohio discount pizzas at 23 cents each. As strange as it sounds, looks like they’re gonna run out of pizza.

Earlier this afternoon, the chain warned that stores could run out of ingredients by dinnertime.

Officials later huddled and determined that “we are hours away from running out of product” and stores expect to stay open through dinnertime.

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I mean, sure, we’d all like to find some way to stop James from breaking out in the second half, finishing with 32 points. But is a tranquilizer dart in the back really the most humane method of basketball sedation? Perhaps they could have tried … defense? Or … scoring points of their own? ◼ ESPN.com

Trades are funny in the NBA. In baseball, you can build for the future by dealing a veteran for unheard-of prospects. In football, the roster is 53, so there’s a good chance of being able to trade one position for another. But in basketball, rosters are maxed out at 15, so options are limited. (Read: draft picks.)

During the NBA season, we see normally one big trade (last year it was Allen Iverson to the Nuggets), and this year it could be Nets point guard Jason Kidd to the Cavaliers. Actually, let me retract that. It probably won’t happen, but LeBron James did in fact publicly pine for the point guard when asked about it during a road trip in Portland. Read more