The Futon Report

Ya know, Associated Press throwaway ledes are too much fun sometimes:

DETROIT (AP) — If Brian Bannister were a lefty, people would call him crafty. Instead, he’ll have to settle for effective.

If Brian Bannister were old, people would call him a veteran. Instead, he’ll have to settle for 27 years old.

If Brian Bannister were an outfielder, people would call him a heads-up player. Instead, he’ll have to settle for a good pitcher.

If Brian Bannister were a rich man, ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum. Instead, he’ll have to settle for working hard.

(By the way, I’m not sure how that Royals-Tigers series finished. Probably best to assume the Tigers won all three games. Yeah, that’s it.)