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Making signs at sporting events is a tricky craft. There are so many rules of decency and tackiness that it becomes rather futile to make a poster and bring it to the game, if for no other reason, because the guys behind you will get ridiculously pissed off. But more to the point, signs which pimp the station covering the game are basically accepted as “selling out.” The nexus of this are the individuals who construct those fabulous “SPORTSCENTER IS NEXT” posters.

Are people that desperate to be on national television for five seconds that they’ll stoop to dedicate time and material to the scheduled programming following the game? Maybe it’d make more sense to advertise your own cause: “PARTY AT BRETT’S, 142 MAPLE STREET.”

Having said that, can we have a moratorium on any and all “Priceless” stadium posters? Read more

vladkonst.jpgEleven years ago, you may recall, was the tragic limousine crash that crippled Detroit Red Wings defenseman Vladimir Konstantinov; it appears he’s still battling the courts, this time the dealer of the limo, because it was defective. It’s probably a solid case, and one definitely worth pursuing. Car was bad. Company sold car. Company’s fault.

So enter the witness stand, hockey great Ted Lindsay. Perhaps he saw the accident unfold. Or he’s performed surgical operations to help Konsantinov’s recovery. Maybe he has expertise on that particular Ford model. Or…

“He was the greatest machine in the world,” Lindsay told the jury of five men and three women. Today, “I see this vegetable and to me it just kind of makes me sick (compared) to what was the greatest hockey player in the world.”

Ah. Read more


Stuff I didn't write, but that doesn't necessarily make it any worse

    If the rest of the synchronized swimming team really wanted to win the gold, they’d have all attempted to drown in solidarity. SI

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    Announcer, during the Rangers-Tigers game: “Baseball is a game of inches. [pause] It’s also a game of Inges.” Gak. FSN Southwest

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    UT hoops signs Emeka Okafor’s cousin … Emeka Okafor. This was done to make family reunions easier to gather everyone at the drop of a hat. Blade

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    Barry Bonds isn’t retired. He’s just exploring his options. The Dugout

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    So I’m watching some Olympic water polo match online (yes, I know) and it’s halftime. The song they picked? Why, the instrumental version of “Cotton-Eye Joe.” Not sure what’s more shocking. That they’re playing the instrumental version of “Cotton-Eye Joe,” or that someone made an instrumental version of “Cotton-Eye Joe.” Is this how all water polo matches go? NBCOlympics.com

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    UT graduate Jerrah Young doubles Ireland’s black population by signing pro hoops contract with Cork’s UCC Demons. Xs and Mo’s

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    “Miguel Olivo the latest MLB player to live the dream, by punching A.J. Pierzynski” Fark

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    kylefarnsworthfarnsworths.jpg
    Yeah, he’s back. DFP

    (Image from The Dugout)

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    Four NFL players who would survive shark attacks. (One of MJD’s finest literary works in a while.) Shutdown Corner

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    There are some headlines in life which capture our imagination. This is the opposite of one of those headlines. Medina Gazette

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Despite its low center of gravity, you can still tip the Futon Report.