danecookwtf.jpgChris Rock? Sure, funny. Jon Stewart? Definitely funny. Dane Cook?

If by funny you mean “loud and repetitive to the point that you want to pry off your fingernails with plastic sporks until he’s off the stage,” then indeed. LAUGH. RIOT!

Oh my sweet hackeysackin’ Mohammed, if Dane Cook is the best thing we have in stand-up today, then that must mean Mike Birbiglia, Steven Wright, and Jim Gaffigan are all dead. I didn’t even read their obituaries! Shows you how observant I am. MSNBC (via Fark, which — with this link — brought me down harder than a satchel of lead-based potatoes)

Despite its low center of gravity, you can still tip the Futon Report.