The Futon Report

I don’t have the heart to tell them … do you? No? You want to see how this plays out, too? Sounds like a fantastic idea.

Yes, the Colorado Rockies are friggin’ buyers as the trade deadline approaches. They’re looking at Paul Byrd to add a crafty, veteran-minded, book-about-masturbation-writin’ arm for their rotation. They’ve also briefly asked about the Reds’ Bronson Arroyo and the A’s Justin Duchscherer, and no, this is not an attempt to squat on all the valuables before the trading deadline and demanding the 2007 World Series trophy in return.

Naw, they actually want to win the NL West. Here’s the thing. They might. Read more

I knew he still was one of the Tigers, even though he’s technically one of the Rockies.

Our good buddy Jason Grilli lashed out in USA’s USA Today today on the dymanic of the new Detroit clubhouse. Responding back quickly was the Rt. Hon. James Q. “Jim” Leyland to the media:

You have to be kidding me. I mean, please. Jason Grilli ought to just worry about Colorado. Jason Grilli’s not here any longer because Jason Grilli didn’t pitch good under pressure situations and didn’t pitch very well in Detroit. You want to tell it like it is? When players want to start talking, I’ll start talking. But I’m very reserved about stuff like that. Jason Grilli ought to worry about Colorado, not Detroit.

(You really have to listen to the entire 4-minute bleepfest. Seriously, at points those [expletive redacted]s are ever so soothing rhythmic, perhaps Zulu-inspired.) Read more

The Dee Eff Pee published a “Best of Jason Grilli” photo gallery yesterday, which frankly was touching. I didn’t expect a metro newspaper to dedicate something like that after the exile of a long relief pitcher. Then again the man had local roots.

But if the champagne goggles is his Stairway To Heaven, here’s his Black Dog:

And that’s it. No more Grilli thoughts. From here on out it’s Francisco Cruceta. With soy. No foam. ◼ DFP

Sad, bittersweet news out of the baseball camps today. My favoritest ever Detroit Tiger (only because of this) was traded to the Colorado Rockies today.

So that’s it. He’s gone. The jokes. The laughs. Fin. I really don’t know where to go from here. Read more