The Futon Report

Image by hail2thesuss via FlickrThe G…. Game of the Week? Between two 2-2 teams, an undefeated team trudging along after the horrific Dante Love collision, and WMU trying to improve to 4-1 against Temple, the televised/featured MAC Game of the Week is freaking Eastern Michigan and Northern Illinois? Sure, I know they probably determine these things before they suit up their laces, but how can even in July people in suits look at this game and say, “Yep, EMU and NIU will be the game to watch.” Just because a game ends 6-3 doesn’t mean it will be an exciting showdown between two evenly-matched teams. Gah.

12 noon — NIU (1-2, 0-1) at EMU (1-3, 0-1) ◼ ESPN Game Plan
To echo Norm McDonald, “Happy Birthday, Jesus! Hope you like crap!”

12 noon — Kent St. (1-3) at Ball St. (4-0) ◼ ESPN Game Plan
I still think the Cardinals have a real chance to go undefeated, even without the services of Dante Love. Perhaps they have even more incentive to run the table with their senior on the sidelines cheering them on.

2:00 p.m. — VMI (2-1) at Ohio (0-4) ◼ The hills (because, see, they have eyes)
Boo? Boo Jackson? Dark One? Beelzebub? Chief? McCloud!

2:00 p.m. — WMU (3-1, 1-0) at Temple (1-3, 0-1) ◼ Hell, the NSA has everything monitored, ask them for a copy
Could this be the first ever win for Temple over the Broncos? For the first time, consider it a solid “maybe.”

3:30 p.m. — Cincinnati (2-1) at Akron (2-2) ◼ FSN Ohio
Not a fair fight in football. Yet somehow a fair fight in baseball.

4:00 p.m. — Buffalo (2-2, 1-0) at CMU (2-2, 1-0) ◼ Alternate Dimension ESPN Game Plan
Suddenly CMU doesn’t look like the prohibitive favorite anymore, says Mark Torosian of the Bleacher Report. And out of nowhere … Buffalo kind of does. Ladies and gentlepeople, your Official Non-Official MAC Game of the Week.

4:00 p.m. — BG (1-2) at Wyoming (2-2) ◼ The Mountain
First Boise, Idaho. Now Laramie, Wyoming. If this is BG’s clever way of trying to become a West coast mid-major team, I’m not impressed.

7:00 p.m. — Florida Int’l (0-3) at Toledo (1-2) ◼ BCSN
Glass Bowl, meet Ned. Ned, Glass Bowl.

Fifteen minutes of your life will be wasted well spent on this. From the Buffalo-Temple game to Ball State’s potential undefeated run to people picking Western Michigan basketball over LSU football.

And I think I got the sound levels a little better controlled. But not much.

When the selling point on the press release is “two of our games are televised!” it better mean that (a) there are only three games this weekend, or (b) the majority of cable channels are having a blackout this weekend because they forgot to pay their bills. Alas, six games go untelevised, which means it’s up to me to decide which off-brand local station will pick up the games. Because everyone needs their MAC football. Ev. Ry. 1.

12 noon — Temple (1-1) at Buffalo (1-1) ◼ ESPN+

They were once jokes. Now they’re less funny jokes. Winner is my sleeper pick to win the MAC East until further notified by way of bad loss.

12 noon — Toledo (0-1) at Eastern Michigan (1-1) ◼ the eyes of about 5,000 Ypsilantians

Get this. EMU’s favored in this game. By two points. Absolutely will this game not be won by the second best team in Washtenaw County. (Read: Pioneer High School)

1:00 p.m — Ball State (2-0) at Akron (1-1) ◼ Who’s want to watch it anyway?

KEEP THEM ALIVE! ONLY MAC TEAM THAT CAN GO UNDEFEATED! GO CARDINALS! Until of course their inevitable bed-shitting against NIU.

2:00 p.m. — Central Michigan (1-1) at Ohio (0-2) ◼ Someone might take pictures

Well, Ohio lost to OSU by 12, while CMU lost to Georgia by 39. Most people believe Georgia would beat Ohio State by 58. Translation: CMU-Ohio will end in a tie.

2:00 p.m. — Delaware State (1-0) at Kent State (0-2) ◼ If CMU and Ball State aren’t on, what are these guys’ chances?

You’d like to think this will be a I-AA upset, but note this: D-State coach Al Lavan coached at EMU. On an interim basis. So just chew on that for awhile.

3:00 p.m. — Charleston Southern (0-2) at Miami (0-2) ◼ Oxford, Ohio public access (tape delay)

Expect big things from the RedHawks offense, who will easily run past defenders doing a dance from the 1920s.

4:00 p.m. — Western Michigan (1-1) at Idaho (1-1) ◼ Your Napoleon Dynamite reference here

When the Vandals meet the Broncos … hug your Visigoth children in case you never see them again.

8:00 p.m. — Bowling Green (1-1) at Boise State (1-0) ◼ ESPN+

So, a couple things. For one, I don’t want to talk about last week. They cheated. (Hopefully.) Secondly, the BG defense, beyond the collective ability to usher the offense through the secondary, has some mighty fine playmakers. For example, Diyral Briggs leads the nation in sacks with five. Tied for second: every other man in the world, with one.

Idle hands: Northern Illinois

And just in time, too! So far, one game and no disappointments. Let’s just call it a week, shall we?

FRIDAY

Ball State 35, Navy 23

In their defense, our naval victories have been few and far between in the entire state of Indiana.

SATURDAY

12 noon — Miami at Michigan ◼ ESPN2

By this game Rich Rodriguez should be able to spell all his quarterback’s names.

12 noon — Ohio at #2 Ohio State ◼ ESPN
Just another game for another OSU running back to get injured in. Just kick field goals every down.

12 noon — Connecticut at Temple ◼ ESPNU
It’s not a basketball matchup, so you’re not interested.

3:30 p.m. — Eastern Michigan at Michigan State ◼ Big Ten Network

Winner gets to say this shirt is about them:

3:30 p.m. — Central Michigan at #1 Georgia ◼ FSN South
Wait’ll the SEC gets a load of a white quarterback who runs and throws for a lot of touchdowns!

3:30 p.m. — Akron at Syracuse ◼ FSN Ohio
Orange Zip sounds like a fake soda from the ’80s. Which it is. It’s fake. Because I made it up.

6 p.m. — Buffalo at Pittsburgh ◼ ESPN+

The Pittsburgh Panthers do NOT want to get in an 0-2 hole in the MAC East. ◼

7 p.m. — Northern Illinois at Western Michigan ◼ Any camcorders the players’ parents bring
Whoa whoa whoa, why the rush for conference games so early?

7 p.m. — Kent State at Iowa State ◼ Iowa actually doesn’t have TV
The Golden Cyclone was a conceptual amusement park ride back in the ’90s that was to replace the old Orange Zip Slushee stand that nobody frequented.

7:30 p.m. — Minnesota at Bowling Green ◼ ESPNU
In no way will I get my hopes up for this KICK THE GOPHER AZZ 2-0 BCS CRASH PARTY!!!!1!1@1

10 p.m. — Toledo at Arizona ◼ Tucson Public Access Regional Southeast, weather permitting
They had a bye last week, and this one’s their first. I’m not going to make the “it must takes two weeks to transport Tom Amstutz across the continent” joke, for I am above it.

After having difficulty scheduling the first radio show, naturally it’s only in the best interest to start a second show on top of that. And whip up a crudely ‘Shopped logo

Presenting, the 15-minute podcast version of everyone’s favorite Mid-American Conference wrap-up feature, MACSploitation Radio, now in its third year. The inaugural show is tonight (Monday) at 11 p.m., although if you don’t have a hankerin’ to listen that late, just catch it the next day. Also, for the latest show, check the bottom of this blog for the latest version.

If you want to call in and blab about one of the MAC teams, the number’s different than Treehouse Fort: (347) 677-1457. Obviously, it’s gonna be just about football and basketball. We’ll have some guests lined up. And it’ll probably be the answer to the wrap-up post I normally have on the Futon Report. The preview post, however, will never go away.

EVER.

No, I mean it. Even after the blogosphere is obliterated by the zombie army led by Bill Moyers, I will write up MACSploitation on a piece of notebook paper, magnet it to the fridge, and charge two bits for anyone who wants to view it.

Well, I guess technically all football players could be considered nerd kickers, in that they are people who can and do kick nerds in a variety of situations. But in this case we’re talking about a nerd who is also a kicker of the football.

Gerald Phillips from Clyde High School in Green Springs, Ohio (it’s within the jurisdiction of WTVG’s Rob Powers) was among 18 confirmed Bowling Green football incoming freshmen. But Gerald stood out for many, many reasons besides being the only kicker. Read more