The Futon Report

When the local news teases a story about Bruce Gradkowski, internally one’s mind says “please oh please report that he’s starting a football game.”

Then the commercial ended, and the story came. Yesssssss.

Now that the Browns have put their third QB on IR, Gradkowski gets the start and the backup quarterback will be … [spins roulette wheel] Richard Bartel! Hey, that … kinda sounds like a quarterback name! Bartel, of course, is the pride of … [throws dart at map] Tarleton State, the Division II powerhouse!

I’m all for nicknames. They’re cute, fun, and way more memorable than the tons of garden-variety names. Plus it prevents parents from having to name their children something outlandish like ZoQwell.

But this?

I’m going to be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting that at all. Bruce Gradkowski to the Rams? Well, good luck to “Medium-Large” B.” ◼ Blade