The Futon Report

I’m all for nicknames. They’re cute, fun, and way more memorable than the tons of garden-variety names. Plus it prevents parents from having to name their children something outlandish like ZoQwell.

But this?

I’m going to be completely honest, I wasn’t expecting that at all. Bruce Gradkowski to the Rams? Well, good luck to “Medium-Large” B.” ◼ Blade

Ah, jeez.

Police in Botkins said they seized two kilos of suspected cocaine Monday night, and arrested two people.

They said one of the suspects, 23-year old Loren Hargrove, is a recent graduate of Bowling Green State University, where he was a football standout.

Hargrove was one of BGSU’s defensive captains last year, and he’s still in Shelby County jail. If you look at WHIO’s video report, you’ll see a visibly scared shitless BGSU graduate trying to figure out what the hell happened.

He says it was a misunderstanding. I’d like to believe that.

(Photo: David Maxwell/Getty/Viewimages)

Then again, so can I. Doesn’t mean a team would want either one of us.

Stopping me from making a team is primarily my poor vertical jump, adequate throwing arm, and a tendency to try and stop the pass rush through UN sanctions. Stopping Chris Henry from making a team used to be his court-ordered house arrest, but that’s not an issue anymore. Now the only bugaboo left from him getting another chance at the pros is merely the fact that he’s Chris Henry. Read more

Hopefully Bill Parcells factored that in. Because they just took UT’s running back, Jalen Parmele, in the sixth round.

Step right up, Kory Lichtensteiger, and welcome to the Denver Broncos. You’re entering a league that also drafted former BGSU center Scott Mruczkowski in 2005, who’s still with the Chargers. Now, let’s see if ViewImages has any good photos of Mr. Lichtensteiger…

Hmm. No results found. Oh well. You’ll have your picture taken many a time once you make a name for yourself at Mile High!

It’s not like mothers completely ignore sports. They watch them sometimes, and if nothing else, they’re aware of their general existence. They might know a player here or there, because he was in that one commercial, or because moms, contrary to popular belief, actually don’t live under rocks. Read more

Well, I guess technically all football players could be considered nerd kickers, in that they are people who can and do kick nerds in a variety of situations. But in this case we’re talking about a nerd who is also a kicker of the football.

Gerald Phillips from Clyde High School in Green Springs, Ohio (it’s within the jurisdiction of WTVG’s Rob Powers) was among 18 confirmed Bowling Green football incoming freshmen. But Gerald stood out for many, many reasons besides being the only kicker. Read more