The Futon Report

Image by Getty Images via DaylifeIt’s okay, I know what I’m talking about. I saw the game.

Game 2: Rays 4, Phillies 2 — The game is still tied 1-1 if the only runs that counted were the ones that came off base hits, and it’d be the 13th inning by now, and I’d be losing my goddamned mind in the live blog. So it’s a good thing Tampa scored three runs on ground balls and Philly tacked on a 9th inning run with an error. The Phillies have now left 22 men on base for the series, and Jimmy Rollins has zero hits against the Tampans.

BUT.

They’re in great shape. Read more

Image via WikipediaI can talk about this, because I watch-blogged it for a living.

Game 1: Phillies 3, Rays 2 — This will still hopefully be an exciting series when it’s said and done. So hopefully they got the exciting games out of the way. The fact that Hamels and Kazmir were pitching probably made sense that only five runs were scored.

But Tampa should never have been in this game. They got eight baserunners. Two scored, and three were called out on the bases. Philly, meanwhile, kept loading the diamond with baserunners every which way, and scored three runs. They stranded 11. It felt like a blowout if you blocked out the top quartile of the screen and didn’t know what the score was. Maybe that’s why there wasn’t the same kind of energy we saw in the ALCS, and why we’ll probably have to wait until Games 3 and 4 for some quality scoring. (Or whenever Jamie Moyer pitches.)

And I’m sticking with it as the World Series starts tonight. Tigers in 6.

(Stay programatically tuned for Deadspin live blogs all Series long.)

Hey, it’s been a week and a half. The team that destroyed the Cubs’ centennial of righting a century’s wrongs is almost out of the playoffs themselves. But nope. Let’s keep dwelling on the Cubs.

Today on ESPN Radio, I kid you not, it went something … like-a this:

“John Wooden turned 98 today. He was born two years after the Chicago Cubs last won the World Series.”

God. I’m glad they’re still using frames of references that continue to twist the knife into Chicago. Although I guess it was more humane than “He was born two years before the sinking of the Titanic,” because some of us are still trying to get over that tragedy.

And to think, if the Yankees didn’t make that trade, it’s Kyle Farnsworth pushing Torii Hunter instead.

(Photo Credit: Stephen Dunn/Getty)

If you didn’t hear, CC Sabathia pitched a one-hitter in Pittsburgh Sunday, but the one hit was a very questionable ruling. It looked like an error. So the big questions is: should the play be a hit or an error? Milwaukee’s going to dispute the call. Read more

And they’re both documented in the headline:

Tigers sign Freddy Garcia; Willis headed to Triple-A

One I can handle. The other … sure. But both? In the same headline, no less?

1. So the Tigers have added potential depth to their rotation by adding Fredward Garcia. It can’t hurt. At this rate, they’ll have reunited the 2001 Seattle Mariners baseball team by the 2017.

2. So the Mud Hens have decided to put all their fans sitting behind the backstop in grave danger.

Then again, why really fret about this? They’re eight games back with seven weeks to go, so the chances of leapfrogging Minnesota or Chicago seem bleak, let alone both. Plus, the Diamondbacks just got Adam Dunn. It might be time to go into full NL Fallback Mode. I’m caressing the shiny red button as we speak.

Because they never, ever close. (Puns! Love ‘em.)

When Todd Jones closed out games, Tigers fans would get ulcers, cramps, and chest pains. When Fernando Rodney closes out games, the other team experiences said chest pains. On Sunday, after Kyle Farnsworth, savior to the bullpen, gave up two home runs to extend the game, “closer” Fernando Rodney eventually came on in the 10th inning to save a 5-4 game.

Fernando Rodney injured two consecutive Rays batters. Jason Bartlett jammed his finger on an attempted bunt, then pinch hitter Shawn Riggans got hit in the chest with a baseball. In the chest. The chest. Hit in the chest. How does a pitcher hit someone square in the chest? Read more

I don’t have the heart to tell them … do you? No? You want to see how this plays out, too? Sounds like a fantastic idea.

Yes, the Colorado Rockies are friggin’ buyers as the trade deadline approaches. They’re looking at Paul Byrd to add a crafty, veteran-minded, book-about-masturbation-writin’ arm for their rotation. They’ve also briefly asked about the Reds’ Bronson Arroyo and the A’s Justin Duchscherer, and no, this is not an attempt to squat on all the valuables before the trading deadline and demanding the 2007 World Series trophy in return.

Naw, they actually want to win the NL West. Here’s the thing. They might. Read more

Pardon me, O Baseball Gods, as I channel the spirit of our beloved Gregg Olson. That’s right, Gregg M.F. Olson.

That’s the first person I thought of, for some cosmic reason, when I heard midway through Sunday’s game that the Tigers closer was no longer Todd Jones. In a very quiet move, Fernando Rodney would assume the position “for the time being.” When the only sure things were death, taxes, and Todd Jones closing games, the torch has finally been passed, but not before the flames destroyed the fans’ wicker-strong confidence in him.

And then I thought, God dammit, this has been Gregg Olson all over again. Read more