The Futon Report

With nothing better to do at the end of an irritating work week, the greatest joy beyond a certain 20 downloads has been coming up with a fantasy football team name. The rule in the league was that it had to be a Detroit Lions-themed name. I thought of a few, and here’s what I came up with, with one appropriately-cited exception:

• Kilroy Waz-Zahir
• Stoney Case of the Mondays
• I Can See Your Andre Ware
• Dominic Crayola
• The Artose-D2s
• Aveion Flu (this one courtesy of my co-worker Ryan)
• Choppin’ Brock Olivo
• Gus Frerottage

Michael Phelps winning eight gold medals was a global corporate conspiracy. Jay Mariotti was also involved, too. ◼ BC

Announcer, during the Rangers-Tigers game: “Baseball is a game of inches. [pause] It’s also a game of Inges.” Gak. ◼ FSN Southwest

Due to technical issues, about three people watched my Phillies-Padres live blog last night. Dude, if I wanted that kind of saturation, I’d have done the live blog here. ◼ Deadspin

Kinda sports? Review of the book “Sold Out So What!” by Max Deale. ◼ BC

This here is how you do a MAC football preview. ◼ TFP

The answer may surprise you! Or vomit. Take your pick.

(HT: My co-worker Ryan)

UT hoops signs Emeka Okafor’s cousin … Emeka Okafor. This was done to make family reunions easier to gather everyone at the drop of a hat. ◼ Blade

And they’re both documented in the headline:

Tigers sign Freddy Garcia; Willis headed to Triple-A

One I can handle. The other … sure. But both? In the same headline, no less?

1. So the Tigers have added potential depth to their rotation by adding Fredward Garcia. It can’t hurt. At this rate, they’ll have reunited the 2001 Seattle Mariners baseball team by the 2017.

2. So the Mud Hens have decided to put all their fans sitting behind the backstop in grave danger.

Then again, why really fret about this? They’re eight games back with seven weeks to go, so the chances of leapfrogging Minnesota or Chicago seem bleak, let alone both. Plus, the Diamondbacks just got Adam Dunn. It might be time to go into full NL Fallback Mode. I’m caressing the shiny red button as we speak.

Barry Bonds isn’t retired. He’s just exploring his options. ◼ The Dugout