The Futon Report

I don’t have the heart to tell them … do you? No? You want to see how this plays out, too? Sounds like a fantastic idea.

Yes, the Colorado Rockies are friggin’ buyers as the trade deadline approaches. They’re looking at Paul Byrd to add a crafty, veteran-minded, book-about-masturbation-writin’ arm for their rotation. They’ve also briefly asked about the Reds’ Bronson Arroyo and the A’s Justin Duchscherer, and no, this is not an attempt to squat on all the valuables before the trading deadline and demanding the 2007 World Series trophy in return.

Naw, they actually want to win the NL West. Here’s the thing. They might. Read more

Pardon me, O Baseball Gods, as I channel the spirit of our beloved Gregg Olson. That’s right, Gregg M.F. Olson.

That’s the first person I thought of, for some cosmic reason, when I heard midway through Sunday’s game that the Tigers closer was no longer Todd Jones. In a very quiet move, Fernando Rodney would assume the position “for the time being.” When the only sure things were death, taxes, and Todd Jones closing games, the torch has finally been passed, but not before the flames destroyed the fans’ wicker-strong confidence in him.

And then I thought, God dammit, this has been Gregg Olson all over again. Read more

I thought that was kind of illegal. NBC and FOX sue RedLasso. ◼ Mr. Irrelevant

Casey Blake’s traded. Now Zach can die happy. ◼ Vitamin Z

And it was growing right there in the ground. Eat more tofu!

Scientists who just happened to have large amounts of soy-based and sperm-based substances have determined that the more you eat of the former, the less you produce of the latter. (Please, please, please, do NOT get that backwards.) So basically lovers of tofu have less of a chance to procreate than your garden variety animal killer. Read more

Today on SbB ◼ Shin-Soo Choo, soldier ◼ LeBron James, predictor ◼ Beach volleyball, varsity sport

Really? Seven BGSU football players have gotten in trouble? Ulp. ◼ Blade

How injuries could end the Browns season. (Yes, there’s still a week of July left.) ◼ Erik Cassano

Tony Peña, Jr. might as well just be a Royals pitcher. ◼ Joe Posnanski

The Detroit Free Press enjoys my Deadspin headlines (”Quick hits” section). ◼ DFP