The Futon Report

Seriously, NBA Playoffs? Is this really how the second round is going to be? The home team is freakin’ 20-1 in these four series.

I keep watching, thinking I’m going to see that one surprise. And we might have seen it when a Billups-free Detroit Pistons won a game in freakin’ Orlando. Put your index finger in the air and wave it around in a horizontal circle.

San Antonio blew out New Orleans at home (ya don’t say!) in Game 6, so the series goes back to N’awlins. Utah and Cleveland retreat back home for their Game 6s on Friday, and there’s no doubt they’ll win them convincingly.

Sorry if I spoiled the ending for you. I tend to screw that up. Much like Jim screwed up by not proposing to Pam on The Office.

Any reason to have hope that Justin Verlander will rebound? ◼ DTW

Check out the good Tampa Bay Rays. ◼ BLB

Sir Tuffy, Brave Sir Tuffy redesigned. (Redesigned esigned esigned ♬) ◼ Fridge Logic

Dusty Baker bashing is most excellent for the soul. ◼ THF (Also, here’s the cold open we do at the beginning of every show. With cut and pastability goodness!)

Update: March 16, 2009: Hargrove was cleared of these charges a couple months later, and this past weekend I interviewed him for a Toledo Free Press article where he was able to tell his side of the story.

Ah, jeez.

Police in Botkins said they seized two kilos of suspected cocaine Monday night, and arrested two people.

They said one of the suspects, 23-year old Loren Hargrove, is a recent graduate of Bowling Green State University, where he was a football standout.

Hargrove was one of BGSU’s defensive captains last year, and he’s still in Shelby County jail. If you look at WHIO’s video report, you’ll see a visibly scared shitless BGSU graduate trying to figure out what the hell happened.

He says it was a misunderstanding. I’d like to believe that.

(Photo: David Maxwell/Getty/Viewimages)

Today on SbB ◼ Boat lands on golf course ◼ Braylon Edwards vs. Rich Rodriguez

I heard Kevin Harlan say it the first time … in NBA Jam 2000. It’s one of the canned lines every damn time someone dunks. I was pretty sick of it, but I guess it has a nicer ring when a real human being dunks.

Honestly, I’m not at all sure how I missed this one as it happened. I vividly recall the foul. The not-letting-go after the whistle. The centrifugal force into the bleachers. The fans yelling back. And for some reason … LeBron James yelling at a fan.

But what eluded me was who the fan was — his mom, Gloria James. There she is, on the left. Remember her? Well, she apparently gets great seats at Cavaliers home games, and Paul Pierce (the Celtics man on the left) almost got Glorified on this night, featuring a Cavaliers 88-77 win.

Thankfully the graceful son shouted some sense into Momma. Read more

Eleven years ago, you may recall, was the tragic limousine crash that crippled Detroit Red Wings defenseman Vladimir Konstantinov; it appears he’s still battling the courts, this time the dealer of the limo, because it was defective. It’s probably a solid case, and one definitely worth pursuing. Car was bad. Company sold car. Company’s fault.

So enter the witness stand, hockey great Ted Lindsay. Perhaps he saw the accident unfold. Or he’s performed surgical operations to help Konsantinov’s recovery. Maybe he has expertise on that particular Ford model. Or…

“He was the greatest machine in the world,” Lindsay told the jury of five men and three women. Today, “I see this vegetable and to me it just kind of makes me sick (compared) to what was the greatest hockey player in the world.”

Ah. Read more