The Futon Report

Uni-Watch looks at how best to fasten jerseys. ◼ ESPN

Can you identify these Red Wings based on dental records? ◼ DFP

You may recall Ian Poulter’s brash claim that he’s Tiger Woods’ only serious competition. And now you see what the guy wears to try and prove that claim.

Coincidentally, this also explains what I can do with my excess picnic tablecloths.

(Photo credit: Hunter Martin/Getty Images)

My SbB stuff from yesterday ◼ The return of Kris/Anna Benson ◼ New feature: Ask A Sports Blog ◼ Islamic women playing basketball ◼ Phil Jackson didn’t like Game 4 calls either?

At this point a show’s merit is determined mostly by how well we zing Dusty Baker. (Cue to 51:45 if you must) ◼ THF

From what I’ve read, these beauts are only donned on weekends and holidays in Jacob Progress Field. Creme-colored. No names on the back. A hint of Cubbiness in the hat.

Still, it’s kind of odd that a throwback Indians uniform contains far less blatant racism.

Remind me when the Tribe break these guys out, though. And the only fashion advice I have for the Tigers: just wear these.

Can’t hurt.(Photo credit: Chuck Crow/The Plain Dealer)

I knew he still was one of the Tigers, even though he’s technically one of the Rockies.

Our good buddy Jason Grilli lashed out in USA’s USA Today today on the dymanic of the new Detroit clubhouse. Responding back quickly was the Rt. Hon. James Q. “Jim” Leyland to the media:

You have to be kidding me. I mean, please. Jason Grilli ought to just worry about Colorado. Jason Grilli’s not here any longer because Jason Grilli didn’t pitch good under pressure situations and didn’t pitch very well in Detroit. You want to tell it like it is? When players want to start talking, I’ll start talking. But I’m very reserved about stuff like that. Jason Grilli ought to worry about Colorado, not Detroit.

(You really have to listen to the entire 4-minute bleepfest. Seriously, at points those [expletive redacted]s are ever so soothing rhythmic, perhaps Zulu-inspired.) Read more

M’kay. So the Tigers played the Diamondbacks. The Indians played the Reds. The Cavaliers left it all out on the court yet they won’t go on to face the Pistons. The Red Wings are in Stanley’s Final Cup or something like that. There’s a lot I coulda written this weekend, if I had the will or drive to write about them.

So to keep the place warm, until something piques my undying sarcasm in the sports world, I’ll veer off on a controlled tangent and share the similarities between the movie Airplane! and the 1950s cult classic Zero Hour! While I knew of some of the copycatted lines, this particular video I didn’t see until tonight. Video should be clear. Video should load if you have enough bandwidth. You’ll have to decide. You’ll have to decide. You’ll have to decide.

Online Videos by Veoh.com

On the Celtics Game 7 win over Cavs, with Jessica Biel reality metaphor goodness. ◼ BC

Ranking the Detroit Metro sports teams. ◼ TFP