The Futon Report

Breakin’ down the AL West with the breakdancin’ Cory White from Bugs and Cranks. ◼ Treehouse Fort

So here’s the thing about groin injuries, girls. (Guys: just keep reading.) Mere mentions of them usually cause an involuntary bend toward the fetal position in a preemptive gambit to protect our precious bits. Any description of said groin injury usually elicits actual painful sounds. And for some reason, hearing about the corrective procedures isn’t much better.

On that note, Cubs outfielder Felix Pie had his testicles sewn to his scrotum on Monday. Read more

As the regular season comes to a close, we look at the finales of this year’s Mid-American Conference basketball season.

Kent State 61, Akron 58 ◼ This was quite possibly the most noxiously oxidized finish to a MAC game this year. Three 3-point field goals were drilled in the final 21 seconds, one by Akron’s Nick Dials to cut the lead to 3, one by Jeremiah Wood to tie the game with 8 seconds remaining, then a bucket by Kent State’s Al Fisher to seal the game with 2 seconds left.

Considering the rest of the game was slightly blasé — oh look, Kent’s pulling away again — it was good to see that final collapse followed by Fisher’s dramatic OMG THAT JUZT HAPND moment. Read more

Miller, Achter, Prochaska — BGSU womens team sweep MAC awards. ◼ MAC-Sports.com

Stuff I did on March 8. ◼ SPORTSbyBROOKS

It’s AL Central time, w/ Sooze from Babes Love Baseball and Fornelli from Foul Balls/AOL FanHouse. ◼ Treehouse Fort

Brett Favre’s fun: is there anything it can’t solve? ◼ Deadspin

Brett Favre retires, then cries. ◼ Blogcritics

Sam Hornish, Jr. has an attractive wife. ◼ SPORTSbyBROOKS

Tiger Woods gets a base hit off John Smoltz. ◼ SPORTSbyBROOKS