The Futon Report

The most fantastic Chris Berman video you will see today. ◼ Deadspin

Emmitt Smith’s grasp on the English language is arthritic at best. ◼ Awful Announcing

The Lingerie Bowl is canceled again. I wasn’t gonna watch it anyway. ◼ Blogcritics

The Greg Stempin Variety Hour is the periodical celebration of excellence and existence of MAC basketball.

The story this year has been teams going on the road and losing nine out of 10 times. No exaggeration. After last Saturday, the home team was 32-4 in conference play. But Wednesday night the home team as 1-3. The exception? Of course it was Toledo. Read more

Apparently Superbike racing fans are more civil than baseball fans. Also apparently Superbike racing has fans. ◼ Fire Joe Morgan

Trades are funny in the NBA. In baseball, you can build for the future by dealing a veteran for unheard-of prospects. In football, the roster is 53, so there’s a good chance of being able to trade one position for another. But in basketball, rosters are maxed out at 15, so options are limited. (Read: draft picks.)

During the NBA season, we see normally one big trade (last year it was Allen Iverson to the Nuggets), and this year it could be Nets point guard Jason Kidd to the Cavaliers. Actually, let me retract that. It probably won’t happen, but LeBron James did in fact publicly pine for the point guard when asked about it during a road trip in Portland. Read more

On one hand, you have to feel slightly sorry for Brandon Inge. On the other hand, no matter what he does he’ll make $6 million this year (Exception: if he’s caught in a hotel room with hookers-and-blow) and it’s difficult to empathize with that kind of scrilla influx.

The Tigers now-backup third basemen still wants to play baseball and doesn’t want to ride the pine behind new third baseman Miguel Cabrera, a trade I must say is still the most brilliant move, Santana To The Mets included. I don’t blame him — he’s a baseball player, and he would love nothing else than to man the keystone 150 games a year for some team. But still. Read more

With Johan Santana going to the Mets, the Indians must decide what to do with C.C. ◼ Crain’s Sportsbiz

When a team loses five key players on a basketball team, the following season is always slightly rougher. But the BGSU gals were actually keeping it together for quite some time, going 11-3 headed into conference play. (Three losses, if you recall, was as many as they had in 2006-07.)

Somehow I knew it wouldn’t last, as much as I didn’t want to admit it.

Conference play began just fine, winning their first four. Then came last week. A loss at home to Miami. Then came absolute decimation at Ball State, 68-47. Read more

A book celebrating the Patriots 19-0 season is already listed on Amazon ◼ With Leather (be sure to look at twoeightnine’s magnificent animated GIF)