The Futon Report

When the selling point on the press release is “two of our games are televised!” it better mean that (a) there are only three games this weekend, or (b) the majority of cable channels are having a blackout this weekend because they forgot to pay their bills. Alas, six games go untelevised, which means it’s up to me to decide which off-brand local station will pick up the games. Because everyone needs their MAC football. Ev. Ry. 1.

12 noon — Temple (1-1) at Buffalo (1-1) ◼ ESPN+

They were once jokes. Now they’re less funny jokes. Winner is my sleeper pick to win the MAC East until further notified by way of bad loss.

12 noon — Toledo (0-1) at Eastern Michigan (1-1) ◼ the eyes of about 5,000 Ypsilantians

Get this. EMU’s favored in this game. By two points. Absolutely will this game not be won by the second best team in Washtenaw County. (Read: Pioneer High School)

1:00 p.m — Ball State (2-0) at Akron (1-1) ◼ Who’s want to watch it anyway?

KEEP THEM ALIVE! ONLY MAC TEAM THAT CAN GO UNDEFEATED! GO CARDINALS! Until of course their inevitable bed-shitting against NIU.

2:00 p.m. — Central Michigan (1-1) at Ohio (0-2) ◼ Someone might take pictures

Well, Ohio lost to OSU by 12, while CMU lost to Georgia by 39. Most people believe Georgia would beat Ohio State by 58. Translation: CMU-Ohio will end in a tie.

2:00 p.m. — Delaware State (1-0) at Kent State (0-2) ◼ If CMU and Ball State aren’t on, what are these guys’ chances?

You’d like to think this will be a I-AA upset, but note this: D-State coach Al Lavan coached at EMU. On an interim basis. So just chew on that for awhile.

3:00 p.m. — Charleston Southern (0-2) at Miami (0-2) ◼ Oxford, Ohio public access (tape delay)

Expect big things from the RedHawks offense, who will easily run past defenders doing a dance from the 1920s.

4:00 p.m. — Western Michigan (1-1) at Idaho (1-1) ◼ Your Napoleon Dynamite reference here

When the Vandals meet the Broncos … hug your Visigoth children in case you never see them again.

8:00 p.m. — Bowling Green (1-1) at Boise State (1-0) ◼ ESPN+

So, a couple things. For one, I don’t want to talk about last week. They cheated. (Hopefully.) Secondly, the BG defense, beyond the collective ability to usher the offense through the secondary, has some mighty fine playmakers. For example, Diyral Briggs leads the nation in sacks with five. Tied for second: every other man in the world, with one.

Idle hands: Northern Illinois