The CFL Hates Tobey Maguire

I, Elsewhere

By Matt Sussman | Sep 2, 2008 | Filed Under Football

I’ve made it into enemy territory (Canada), disguised as a pasty white guy with baseball cap. The disguise worked perfectly. I wish I could say the same for Canadian Football League’s latest Chad Johnson homage. Arland Bruce III, who sounds way wealthier than he probably is, was fined by the CFL for putting on a Spider-Man mask after catching a touchdown for the Toronto Argonauts.

The blatantly arachnophobic CFL took an undisclosed amount of money away from Bruce’s piggy bank as a result of the stunt. Why was it undisclosed? Because even they aren’t certain of the exchange rate. The rules clearly state no player can be “in possession of a foreign or extraneous object that is not part of the uniform or equipment.” This is why the team’s punter got away with that “kicking the penguin” celebration after scoring one point.

Stay tuned as I uncover all other Canadian sports scandals in the coming days by watching this quirky “SportsCentre” show. You don’t think they’re owned by the same … nah.