The Futon Report

Ethan J. Skolnick, a name that’s tied with Tristan H. Cockcroft for the Sportswriter Most Likely To Be Using A Fake Name Or Possibly Also The Sender Of A Spam E-mail, wrote a feature story on sports blogs and sports blogginess and their affectation toward boobies and blockquoting in lieu of actually interviewing people and getting the real story about what roster changes will take place tomorrow.

The featured site in the MSNBC piece, though, was SPORTSbyBROOKS (how come nobody else capitalizes it but me and Brooks?) which made it stand out particularly more, because normally the push is to make The Big Deadspin Lead as the two-headed monster leading the sports blogohedron, when they were both created more recently than SbB. Plus, y’know, I write for The Brooks and such. Maybe I was mentioned!

I was. “Sort of.”

Melchior has eight “writers” who contribute during a week, as well as a full-time editor. He also pens one personal column.

Oh ho ho! “Writers!” They’re like writers, but not, because it’s a sports blog! No, they don’t exactly write anything at all. Actually they take all the letters and put them into a hat, then microwave the hat and the first letter that explodes is the first letter they type on the screen. Rinse and repeat until you have 200 words about Erin Andrews’ wardrobe. He sure got us down to a tee!

Actually, there is a word for what we are, which is mnolgroinks, but that’s hard to remember, plus there are like five ways to spell it, depending on what region you’re from.

So, I salute you, “Ethan” (put in quotes because I don’t believe this is your actual name, it’s way too fragmented to be a fully-certified moniker), on your outstanding “feature” (put in quotes because it really wasn’t a feature, it was more like an “exposé” [put in quotes because it was more like a *musing* {put in asterisks because it was more like a blog post}]).