A Solution For All Slutty Athletes

By Matt Sussman | Jul 25, 2008 | Filed Under "Science"

shawnkemp.jpgAnd it was growing right there in the ground. Eat more tofu!

Scientists who just happened to have large amounts of soy-based and sperm-based substances have determined that the more you eat of the former, the less you produce of the latter. (Please, please, please, do NOT get that backwards.) So basically lovers of tofu have less of a chance to procreate than your garden variety animal killer.

The numbers are such: If a man has eaten two servings of soy a week, they produce 41 million less babymakers (per milliliter) than your typical meat eater. And yes, way more than 41 million sperm can be contained in a single milliliter.

This means that players like Prince Fielder and Tony Gonzalez have thought way ahead on this scheme. Yes, they wanted to be healthier and feel better. But now they can be rest assured that, if they choose to become promiscuous, they might not have to pay child support of Kempian and Henryiffic proportions.

Next week, on “Science” Watch: does eating the crust of your sandwich prevent herpes?

BallHype: hype it up! Tags: , ,

Comments


Name (required)

Email (required)

Website

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>

Share your wisdom


Stuff I didn't write, but that doesn't necessarily make it any worse

    DJ Gallo might have something here with his NFL weekly wrap article. ◼ ESPN

    Comments (0)

    Tatum Bell took off with Rudi Johnson’s luggage. Gain of two yards. ◼ Shutdown Corner

    Comments (0)

    TSN showed their Top Ten NFL plays from 2007. Two of them were Cleveland Browns plays. Josh Cribbs’ disaster-to-master return TD, and the one where the New York Jets forgot how to tackle Jamal Lewis.

    Comments (0)

    Now that David Eckstein is with the Diamondbacks, he’ll play second next to Adam Dunn at first. Eck actually called off Dunn on a pop fly, and Mark Grace on the FSN broadcast said it looked like a father-son game. ◼ AZ Republic

    Comments (0)

    If the rest of the synchronized swimming team really wanted to win the gold, they’d have all attempted to drown in solidarity. ◼ SI

    Comments (0)

    Announcer, during the Rangers-Tigers game: “Baseball is a game of inches. [pause] It’s also a game of Inges.” Gak. ◼ FSN Southwest

    Comments (0)

    UT hoops signs Emeka Okafor’s cousin … Emeka Okafor. This was done to make family reunions easier to gather everyone at the drop of a hat. ◼ Blade

    Comments (0)

    Barry Bonds isn’t retired. He’s just exploring his options. ◼ The Dugout

    Comments (0)

    So I’m watching some Olympic water polo match online (yes, I know) and it’s halftime. The song they picked? Why, the instrumental version of “Cotton-Eye Joe.” Not sure what’s more shocking. That they’re playing the instrumental version of “Cotton-Eye Joe,” or that someone made an instrumental version of “Cotton-Eye Joe.” Is this how all water polo matches go? ◼ NBCOlympics.com

    Comments (0)

    UT graduate Jerrah Young doubles Ireland’s black population by signing pro hoops contract with Cork’s UCC Demons. ◼ Xs and Mo’s

    Comments (0)
Despite its low center of gravity, you can still tip the Futon Report.