The Futon Report

This one’s a two-part rant. Both parts reference this mailbag, to ease complication.

The first part. Tim from Cleveland asks Indians beat writer Anthony Castrovince:

What happens to the players and staff at Triple-A Buffalo if the Indians switch to Columbus? Will the players stay at Buffalo or move to Columbus?

(Before I begin, I will mention that Castrovince does share that the Indians Triple-A team will be in Columbus next year, disregarding the “if” in the question. So … neat.)

Um. Tim? They’re Indians players. They’re part of the Indians farm system. Why would the players stay in Buffalo? Why would anyone stay in Buffalo, for that matter? Why would … you know what, I’m just going to chalk it up to you not knowing about how minor league systems work. I’ll grant you a pass.

Now for Numero Dos.

It comes not from a reader, but from the beat writer himself, going all personal anecdot-y on us:

My dad has decided to buy a new television set.

This is a major development, given that his current set is about 15 years old. He won it in a raffle at work. It was state-of-the-art at the time. [...]

It was a 27-incher.

Today, people buy 27-inch TVs for their garage.

They do? Up until earlier this year I was using a 27-inch TV as my main set, and I thought it was pretty damn slick. Now, I haven’t been to suburbia lately, but I haven’t seen a lot of 27-inch televisions in garages. I’ve seen 27-inch televisions as secondary sets, but the garage is where the jankiest, closest-to-the-landfill tube lays. You think of a 14-inch maybe-color and maybe-more-than-12-channels television to be sitting on that tool bench. If you are using a television that big in the same room you also store tarps, please let me move in with you.