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In This Metaphor, I Am The Ottoman Empire | The Futon Report

In This Metaphor, I Am The Ottoman Empire

By Matt Sussman | Jun 24, 2008 | Filed Under Non-Sports

wwimap.jpgYou know, this is how World War I started. All the European Nations began bickering with each other, and before you know it … BLAM! Ferdinand was gone.

So it’s Will’s final week on Deadspin, and he wrote a missive about Jason McIntyre, Mike Florio, (feat. AJ Daulerio), and other sports blogs trying to get mainstream acceptance. Then McIntyre responded with a “no response,” then Matt Ufford fired back at McIntyre, then Dave Lozo fired back at Leitch. And they all have some great points, and also really missed some of their targets. But all I’m saying is if one of The Dugout guys gets shivved, this shit’s awn.

What’s been pretty sweet throughout the sports blogohedron has been the civility of alike, yet competing, entities. It’s gotten big. It’s gotten corporate. It’s gotten Mottramized. It seems that Will’s “fuck it, it’s our last week” series has become the catalyst for Blogworld War I.

It’s not my last week at the Futon Report, so I won’t say which set of bloggers pretty much can’t stand me, and likewise. But the fact that they exist, and blog, and are fruitful, I’m actually OK with that. They (probably) are too. I think we both realized this Internet is slightly big enough for everyone to flourish. We (probably) haven’t let our soured friendships to consume us and quit blogging. It’s (probably) made both of us better at accepting criticism. We probably have each other to thank. And we (probably) will never admit to any of this.

Will’s next “fuck it last week” screed was about his fanboys at Can’t Stop The Bleeding, and how everyone on the Internet isn’t always going to like you. Moreover, someone always will hate you, and if you don’t, you’ve become the Internet’s soda cracker. Everyone likes soda crackers. They don’t fill you up, you can pig out on them when you’re sick, and not one person in the history of mankind — I checked — ever said “Fuck soda crackers.” If you know you’re good, and others know you’re good, but others still want your blog dead and it’s children dead, then you’re probably doing something right.

So this final week of June, with nothing else going on, seems to be the time to air our grievances toward the other sports blogs we don’t like. That’s cool. Once it’s over, I hope things can resume as normal and that we don’t all have to use the same currency.

BallHype: hype it up!

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5 so far


  1. Turner on June 24, 2008 11:46 pm:

    Amidst the calamity, I made an attempt to be a certified Deadspin commenter today (my life has slowed down that much). When Rob asks, I’m the guy with a picture of you rocking the fu-manchu. So yeah, I’m pretty much in.

  2. Tuffy on June 25, 2008 6:53 am:

    So in this metaphor, we’ll be getting Moor of you?

  3. Rob I. on June 25, 2008 8:38 am:

    Fuck soda crackers. Ah, that felt good to get it off my chest finally.

  4. Phil on June 25, 2008 11:12 pm:

    I feel that saying “Fuck soda crackers” detours from the very essence of this article.

    I declare (blog)war on Rob I.

  5. Jamie Mottram on June 26, 2008 7:03 am:

    Mottramized, huh? I’m gonna use that.

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