The Futon Report

Eleven years ago, you may recall, was the tragic limousine crash that crippled Detroit Red Wings defenseman Vladimir Konstantinov; it appears he’s still battling the courts, this time the dealer of the limo, because it was defective. It’s probably a solid case, and one definitely worth pursuing. Car was bad. Company sold car. Company’s fault.

So enter the witness stand, hockey great Ted Lindsay. Perhaps he saw the accident unfold. Or he’s performed surgical operations to help Konsantinov’s recovery. Maybe he has expertise on that particular Ford model. Or…

“He was the greatest machine in the world,” Lindsay told the jury of five men and three women. Today, “I see this vegetable and to me it just kind of makes me sick (compared) to what was the greatest hockey player in the world.”

Ah.

Appealing to emotion. This car company robbed the world of perhaps a decade of hockey courtesy of the greatest defenseman that ever lived. They must hate the Red Wings. (And children, if not just the ones who root for the Red Wings, all of them. Except for those who root for Claude Lemieux, because the company must have a man-crush on that scumbag.)

First of all — now I’ll admit knowing not a bunch about hockey — but I’ve never heard the claim that Vladdy was the premier blueliner in the game. One of the? Sure. But he was never voted onto an NHL All-Star game in six of his prime years. And he was 30 years old at the time of the crash — not exactly a blossoming duckling.

I could debate the potential hockey growth of a human being that requires round-the-clock assistance — I’ve stooped much worse — but I don’t think that’s going to make his medical bills any more expensive. That should really be the financial dollars worth negotiating. Not what he could have made as the Greatest Defensive Hockey Player Ever.

And since when are hockey legends suddenly reliable augurs into current athlete’s potential? If that’s the case, let’s just get Wayne Gretzky to run a team and see how … oh.

(Photo Credit: Detroit News)