Craftiness, Leftiness Are Synonymous

I, Elsewhere

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By Matt Sussman | Apr 3, 2008 | Filed Under Baseball, Media

Ya know, Associated Press throwaway ledes are too much fun sometimes:

DETROIT (AP) — If Brian Bannister were a lefty, people would call him crafty. Instead, he’ll have to settle for effective.

If Brian Bannister were old, people would call him a veteran. Instead, he’ll have to settle for 27 years old.

If Brian Bannister were an outfielder, people would call him a heads-up player. Instead, he’ll have to settle for a good pitcher.

If Brian Bannister were a rich man, ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum. Instead, he’ll have to settle for working hard.

(By the way, I’m not sure how that Royals-Tigers series finished. Probably best to assume the Tigers won all three games. Yeah, that’s it.)

Subscribe to this post's comments.

Shaggy on April 3, 2008 8:17 pm:
No no, old pitchers are called “wiley veterans”.
Shaggy on April 3, 2008 8:24 pm:
Or, you know… “wily”. Whatever version of English you prefer.
MP on April 3, 2008 9:21 pm:
Perhaps we should have sent…uh…
(looks up “Fiddler On the Roof” on US IMDB)
…Topol…to the mound today.

Yeah, that’s the ticket.