Craftiness, Leftiness Are Synonymous

By Matt Sussman | Apr 3, 2008 | Filed Under Baseball, Media

bannister.jpgYa know, Associated Press throwaway ledes are too much fun sometimes:

DETROIT (AP) — If Brian Bannister were a lefty, people would call him crafty. Instead, he’ll have to settle for effective.

If Brian Bannister were old, people would call him a veteran. Instead, he’ll have to settle for 27 years old.

If Brian Bannister were an outfielder, people would call him a heads-up player. Instead, he’ll have to settle for a good pitcher.

If Brian Bannister were a rich man, ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum. Instead, he’ll have to settle for working hard.

(By the way, I’m not sure how that Royals-Tigers series finished. Probably best to assume the Tigers won all three games. Yeah, that’s it.)

BallHype: hype it up! Tags: , ,

Comments


Subscribe to this post's comments.

3 so far


  1. Shaggy on April 3, 2008 8:17 pm:

    No no, old pitchers are called “wiley veterans”.

  2. Shaggy on April 3, 2008 8:24 pm:

    Or, you know… “wily”. Whatever version of English you prefer.

  3. MP on April 3, 2008 9:21 pm:

    Perhaps we should have sent…uh…
    (looks up “Fiddler On the Roof” on US IMDB)
    …Topol…to the mound today.

    Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Name (required)

Email (required)

Website

XHTML: You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Share your wisdom

Despite its low center of gravity, you can still tip the Futon Report.