The Futon Report

Usually when a site closes up shop, there’s all sorts of profound reflection on the great years, the great posts, and the feeling that, hey, I’m gonna miss this thing. And some of that’s very true here at the Futon Report, but honestly this blog was very poorly maintained, and you can probably blame the publishers of all the wonderful sites that offered me writing opportunities for that. Specifically, Leitch/Daulerio, Brooks, EO, and MM were all so gracious to take a chance and let me run free on their publications, there was really nobody except for a handful of friends and readers who said, “hey, how come you haven’t posted yet?”

Also, two server crashes and 18 months of lost blog posts can really discourage one from trying to continue on. But that doesn’t mean it was all bad. I’ve met and made friends as a result of developing this blog. One reader even offered me a ticket to probably the best ballgame I’ve ever attended in exchange for a pair of limited edition Futon Report t-shirts for him and his wife.

But it’s been three years, and I’ve made the decision to stop posting here on a regular* basis. But I’m not quitting. On the contrary, I’m moving my regular 1-3 posts a week to the Toledo Free Press website, which almost makes perfect sense since the column I’ve done for them since 2006 has the same name as this website.

Henceforth, all my postings shall be found here, with the RSS feed being, well, that link I just shared. This website shall stand more as a portfolio of my ongoing typing throughout the Internet, so it won’t be horrible if you keep it bookmarked, although it’s certainly not a bad idea if you discard this.

There’s also another project in the works; I’ll probably announce it here when it’s live then proclaim “no mas” for futonreport.net. Shall anything else arise — say, if I decide to revive the Daily Sussman eight years removed or if I become the new wicker furniture columnist for Better Homes And Gardens — you’ll probably hear about it on this webpagesite.

Hopefully you weren’t expecting some grandiose finale to futonreport.net; going out like this is probably more fanfare than what is deserved. Actually, if the server were to collapse upon itself like a supernova in April, that would be wholly appropriate.

See you all on the TFP, and anywhere else my cybernetic thoughts may roam.

When the local news teases a story about Bruce Gradkowski, internally one’s mind says “please oh please report that he’s starting a football game.”

Then the commercial ended, and the story came. Yesssssss.

Now that the Browns have put their third QB on IR, Gradkowski gets the start and the backup quarterback will be … [spins roulette wheel] Richard Bartel! Hey, that … kinda sounds like a quarterback name! Bartel, of course, is the pride of … [throws dart at map] Tarleton State, the Division II powerhouse!

Once again the Toledo Free Press accepts some words in succession by me, this time on Dave Clawson being the least insane thing to happen this offseason.

• Now then, via mgoblog is some Eastern Michigan football coaching talk. Hot! They still need one, it looks like. Also, they are seemingly going to try and play another year of football and not disband it and transfer the funds to their powerhouse curling program. A lot of names sure are floating around (for an EMU rumor, no less) but the interesting one is Chuck Martin, the Grand Valley State coach. If you remember last year, I suggested Michigan should take a look at him and his dynasty he built at GVSU. The guy before Martin is playing in something called an “Orange Bowl,” which sounds colorful and delicious. If EMU can land the next Brian Kelly, maybe the jokes will diminish. Maybe. But for now … the shirt, please.

• I thought if Ohio State was ranked at any point in the year, they’re immediately ranked No. 1. Isn’t this the agreement they had with the Associated Press voters (known colloquially as the Filler Copy Matrix)? Instead, they’re only 16th and a win over Jacksonville puts them at an unblemished 7-0. I guess that respect doesn’t carry over to the indoor variety of NCAA revenue sports. This gives, of the seven games, 1½ road games, and four more home games to finish out the year. Yep, they’ll have gotten to January with just one-point-five road games. If they win all those, and convinces ESPN that Jon Diebler looks like Tyler Hansbrough, they’ll be No. 2 before you know it.

Also, blog-rattling news coming up in a couple weeks.

Thank heavens legitimate journalists have subscriptions to Rivals.com — else we wouldn’t know who Virginia’s next football offensive coordinator might be:

Yeah, that guy doesn’t look familiar at all. Daily Press, can you tell us?

Former Bowling Green coach Gregg Brandon has been offered the vacant Virginia offensive coordinator position, according to a report on CavsCorner.com.

Ah. Well, he does know offense, and his teams have put up a ton of points, with the exception of, y’know, this past year. And Gary Blackney, when he stepped down from BG in 2000, became a DC for Maryland and it worked out well. (Fun fact: Blackney is currently the secondary coach at Central Florida right now. Odd.) It would make more sense for Brandon to get the ol’ band back together at Florida with Urban Meyer whose OC is now coaching Mississippi State.

It seems like a perfect fit, and I wish him the best of luck. A catastrophic problem could arise, however, if Meyer steps down or is kicked out abruptly and Brandon is named the interim coach, well, you saw what happened before.

So, there’s a Blade story about bloggers who blog about stuff about Toledo. Cool! Now let’s just command+F, S-U-S … not found? But I thought … I … was … the …

[runs out of room crying]